The year in music, in rhyming couplets

Acclaimed Music has updated its rankings to include 2005 lists. While I'm glad that "1 Thing" and "Since U Been Gone" are nestled among the top 300 songs of all time, I'm less convinced by the album rankings (is Illinois really the 82nd most acclaimed album of all time?) To correct any erroneous impressions you might have about album quality, here are my reviews of the 20 most acclaimed discs of the year, written as rhyming couplets, of course.

Sufjan Stevens, Illinois
Pretentiousness over Chicago looms.
At least this Christian has all killer tunes.
A MINUS

M.I.A., Arular
Not really a terrorist -- it's her beats
That explode while her voice radically tweets.
A PLUS

Antony and the Johnsons, I Am a Bird Now
You know you're trying too hard to depress us
When Rufus Fucking Wainwright sounds less precious.
C PLUS

Kanye West, Late Registration
Dude has a conscience and a pulse; he's trying
To teach while sounding dope -- thank you, Jon Brion.
A

Bloc Party, Silent Alarm
All those who say that song's about Iraq's missed
That "Price of Gas"'s more generally Marxist.
B PLUS

LCD Soundsystem
Though drums drive up the wall and bleeps are sunny,
It only takes off when the gags are funny.
B PLUS

Bright Eyes, I'm Wide Awake, It's Morning
He overrates Prozac and Emmylou;
You might hate him, but at least he loves you.
B PLUS

Franz Ferdinand, You Could Have It So Much Better
Of course it sounds sharper than the debut:
e.g. the guitar on "Do You Want To".
B PLUS

My Morning Jacket, Z
The band is tight, "Beats for You"'s a rip-snorter,
Who woulda thunk? Thank God the songs are shorter.
B

The New Pornographers, Twin Cinema
They bake delicious trifle after trifle
With love. It'd make Dick Cheney draw his rifle.
A MINUS

Sleater-Kinney, The Woods
The band that's more magic than Harry Potter
Rock harder -- but they could be rocking hotter.
A

Gorillaz, Demon Days
The future of music marketing, many say,
Is this a good thing? Better than Blur, anyway.
B PLUS

The White Stripes, Get Behind Me Satan
Full of cheaper hooks than "Slippery When
Wet". Just another White Stripes album then.
B PLUS

Animal Collective, Feels
Alright kiddies, I'll put up with your wackiness,
When you rock out you don't sound like a slacky mess.
B

Spoon, Gimme Fiction
Decent songs by a decent band, no doubt.
If that does it for you, knock yourself out.
B

Wolf Parade, Apologies to the Queen Mary
The opener has a tune that's not banal. Some
Might regret there's not one more on the album.
B MINUS

Art Brut, Bang Bang Rock and Roll
Considering a move to L.A.? Yous
may find your jokes make locals there confused.
A

Common, Be
The verse he spits that shows he sucks again is:
Black men with white girls aren't real; UPN is.
B MINUS

Clap Your Hands Say Yeah
Strong groove, bright colours gainsaid only by fools.
"Upon This Tidal Wave of Young Blood" rules.
A MINUS

Maximo Park, A Certain Trigger
These wordy Brits' guitars and hooks are bold, save
"Acrobat". The New Wave, same as the Old Wave.
B