East Bay View (a blog about several things)

now 98% free of substantive content

Saturday, March 08, 2008

Exclusive: The ending of the director's cut of There Will Be Blood


"I'm finished!"

Paul Whiteman-style jazz starts playing. The entire cast enters the bowling alley, forming a chorus line. Paul Dano gets up, with blood coming out of his ears, and starts singing:

"I'm sorry that my acting sucked,
My sucking's undisputed;
If you saw 'Sunshine', you would know
I should've played the mute kid;"

Daniel Day-Lewis:

"I'm sorry that I hammed it up,
That three hours it did cost ya,
But I'd have played the role for free
To get my second Oscar;"

Paul Thomas Anderson enters:

"I'm sorry that the ending sucked,
Took hours to think it up;
Still, I could piss down critics' throats
And they would drink it up;"

Daniel Day-Lewis:

"Like a milkshake!"


"We're sorry that the ending sucked
But imagine you had been us:
It's so much harder to make art
Than to pass off nonsense...
As genius!"

Cheering, fireworks, etc.



Post a Comment

<< Home