East Bay View (a blog about several things)

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Saturday, March 04, 2006

Capote in Munich: A screenplay

Rated R. Contains dismemberment and extreme flippancy.

SCENE ONE: The Black Forest, the mid-Seventies. We see TRUMAN CAPOTE walking along slowly.

Truman: Wow, I can't believe my plane crashed on the way to Munich. Hopefully I'll get out of this forest soon.

(An anguished cry rings out. Cut to AVNER, sitting under a tree, grenade in hand, sulking.)

Truman: Hey, what's wrong?

Avner: I'm an assassin for the Israeli government. I believe in my country, but lately I've been feeling guilty --

(Avner suddenly stands up and throws the grenade into a tree. There's a huge explosion, followed by limbs falling from the sky.)

Avner: I've been feeling guilty about my job. It's so hard on my family.

Truman: Hey, I understand, some of my best friends were murderers.

Avner: I'm an assassin.

Truman: Whatever. Anyway, I know more about guilt than most people, and do you know what the solution is?

(Truman pulls out a bottle of scotch from inside his jacket, then hands it to Avner. Avner stares at it for a moment, then opens the bottle and skulls a third of it.)

Truman: I see you've done this before.

Avner: Of course. I'm really an Australian.

(Avner hands the bottle back to Truman, who skulls the rest.)

Avner: Wow, you're even better at this.

Truman: Of course. I'm a journalist.

Avner: I hope realise that if you write anything about me, I'll have to kill you.

Truman: I can't let you censor me. It goes against everything Edward R. Murrow taught me about journalistic integrity.

Avner: Well, I warned you, so I won't feel guilty about this one. Good night, and good luck.

(Avner pulls out a pistol and fires. CUT.)


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