Oscar liveblog: About bloody time

Preshow

• I couldn't bring myself to watch Babel, it just sounds so Crash-y, except at least Crash was kind of proud of how contrived it was. I'm pretty sure Best Picture is a three way race, Letters from Iwo Jima is too low profile and not enough people are sufficiently excited about The Queen. Babel's the value bet, but The Departed still seems like it'll ride in on Scorsese's win.
  
• Bubblehead interviewer, talking to Nicole Kidman and Naomi Watts, asks Nic how her career changed after winning the Oscar. Watts doesn't look pissed off at all, showing that she really is a great actress.
  
• Patricia Field is dressed even worse than her costumes for The Devil Wears Prada.
• I don't care what you all say, I still think Cameron Diaz is amazing.
  
• Eddie Murphy is acting really cool. Great earring, too.
• Del Toro, Cuaron and Inarritu just got compared to "Coppola, Ford and Lucas".

5:30pm

• Except the woman who namedropped Brakhage., this unfunny nominees sequence seems endless and pointless.
• Even if Errol Morris made it.
• Ellen's material is pretty bad, but she's pulling enough of it off.
• Have I mentioned that I wish I was Steve Carell?
• Art direction. Should be Pan's. Kidman has to deliver a really awkward line about the "mutually exclusive worlds of white America and black America in the Fifties and Sixties". Daniel Craig looks amused that she manages to mispronounce "Dreamgirls".
  
• Whoo! It's Pan's.
• OK, Ferrell, Black and Reilly already officially own the show, but why the orchestral accompaniment? We want rock opera.
  
• Makeup: another for Pan's. When they first cut to Del Toro is glowing, but then doesn't seem that pleased. Maybe he's wondering how the hell he didn't get a Best Director nom.
  
• Animated short: something that'll piss off John Kricfalusi. Live short: West Bank Story. Oooh, high concept.

6pm

• Yeah, we came for the fake musique concrete. I'm going to check my email.
• Have I mentioned that I wish I was Steve Carell?
• Sound editing: Letters from Iwo Jima. The guys survive the Flags of Our Fathers vote split.
• Sound mixing: Hey how come Iwo Jima isn't up for this? Anyway, it's Dreamgirls.
• Supporting actor: Murphy's the favourite, Arkin has a really good career achievement chance. Marky Mark deserves it, even if his clip is lame -- I guess it was his only line in the movie that didn't have profanity. Oooh, it's Arkin. Well, there goes Eddie's only chance ever.
• Yeah, we came for the interpretative dance. I'm going to make tea.
• How can Randy Newman's Oscar songs be so bad? It's not like his own albums are short of good straightish ditties. And now Melissa Etheridge is singing. And now my tea's ready.

6:30pm

• Mutual congratulation between Leo and Al Gore: the Oscars are green! Expect the CMAs to start burning trees in retribution. (Hey, you're lucky I said "trees".)
• Animated feature: George Miller, one of the greatest of all directors of popular film, finally gets his Oscar. I'm overjoyed.
• Montage time: there have been many movies about writers! Just think how much of your life has been wasted on trite typewriter scenes!
• Adaptation: If The Departed doesn't get this, it's in trouble later on. It's pretty apparent that Borat doesn't have much of a screenplay as such, but give Sacha his gong. Nah, it's The Departed. Based on "the Japanese film Infernal Affairs". Most international Oscars ever, and we've already had this and Ellen calling Penelope Cruz Mexican. At least Monahan gives Mak and Chong a shout out.
• Wes Anderson's American Express ad is the funniest thing he's done in some time.

7pm

• Costume design: Anne Hathaway is terrible. I have new respect for Ang Lee for making her seem decent in Brokeback. They're trying to claim that the costumes in The Devil Wears Prada were parody. The ones in Marie Antoinette were funnier. Marie wins. Yay.
• Sherry Lansing gets the humanitarian award. Maybe she's done enough to atone for producing Titanic, and maybe not. From a distance, she looks amazing for a sexagenarian, and then we get a closer look, and she can't move her jaw vertically.
• Ellen just dissed Spielberg's framing. Even Godard didn't get away with that.
  
• Cinematography: People cheer for Children of Men. Good taste. It goes to Pan's. Navarro did terrific work, but... Lubezki must now be near the top of the "How come he still doesn't have an Oscar?" list.
  
• Visual effects: I really liked the use of effects in Superman; they weren't all slam-bang, they had an air of melancholy about them somehow. Anyway, Pirates gets it.
  
• Yeah, the Foreign Film award created the audience for subtitles. It all makes sense.
  
• Fuck you! I've yet to see Shoeshine, and now I know what happens. I'm closing my eyes before the montage shows any more spoilers.
• Of course it probably doesn't matter now, because that was just about the only good foreign film to get the award.
  
• The Academy Awards: trivialising foreign film for fifty years.
• Wow, The Lives of Others. Didn't see that coming. I guess I should see it. Did he just thank Schwarzengger?

7:30pm

• Supporting actress: Yep, it's Hudson. But what does she do now?
• And there's your tearful breakdown for the evening.
• Wait, did they say Celine Dion is going to perform? Even the Grammies know by now that's not cool.
• I'm still pissed off about Shoeshine.
• Eva Green and Gael Garcia Bernal: as attractive as humanly possible? Discuss.
  
• And the sound just went out on my TV. Oh no, I won't get to hear Celine.
• Someone gets a Documentary Short award.
• Seinfeld says something that's presumably funny.
• I can get some sound; there's just a lot of static.
  
• Documentary: An Inconvenient Truth, directed by Davis Guggenheim. He sure looks like a Davis Guggenheim.
• I would've liked for Al to just keep talking, daring the orchestra to cut him off.
• I'd also like for Clint to come out in support of global warming now.
  
• A Morricone montage, complete with animated notes flying around. I understand he's about the best there is at what he does: that John Williams has five Oscars and he has none is a crime. I just can't get that excited about his work when taken out of context. Still, he deserves better than Celine. Have you ever noticed how terrible her gestures are when she's singing?
  
• He may be a reactionary hack, but Clint has class.

8pm

• And we're going to run long again.
  
• What? GM took the suicide part out of their suicidal robot ad.
• Hugh Jackman and Penelope Cruz: hot, but not nearly as hot as Eva and Gael.
• Babel's score scores. This may or may not be an indication of anything.
• The President's speech, pretaped and just over a minute. I thank them.
• Screenplay: Now this will be an indicator. Sunshine in particular needs it. Of course Del Toro deserves it. Your winner: Sunshine. There was an article in Slate that acknowledged the lameness of the film's quirkiness and sentimental while running the "but it was funny" defence, while failing to realise that this was precisely why it wasn't funny. (Apart from Steve Carell. Have I mentioned that I wish I was Steve Carell?) Ken Jennings agrees (love the Bee Girl line).
• Dreamgirls medley. To oversimplify Dark's point; it's impossible to accept Jennifer Hudson as necessarily a better singer than Beyonce: probably impossible to accept this under any circumstance.
• Say it with me: Oscar-winner Melissa Etheridge. A big night for lesbian hippies, then.

8:30pm

• Still no end in sight.
• If Schoonmaker gets her third, The Departed camp will be confident. If Babel wins editing then it's wide open.
• I appreciate that they're getting Real Filmmakers to do the montages, but they're still a waste of time. Having said that, I'm impressed that Michael Mann managed to fit Do the Right Thing and Talladega Nights into his Wow America package. Plus, James Brown.
• So how up the all-time nominees list do you think Kate Winslet will get before she gets gonged? It's inconceivable she won't eventually get her award, but you would've said the same about Peter O'Toole.
  
• Editor: Schoonmaker.
• The departed montage: alright, who died without me noticing about this year? No one I've heard of? Guess I've been reading the Greencine Daily sufficiently carefully.
• No Anna Nicole.
• Actress: Streep gave the best performance, but she has two already. Mirren deserves it. She goes on stage with her handbag. Hey Sherry, that's how you age gracefully. God save the Queen.

9pm

• That's midnight Eastern.
• Next on Kimmel: Ellen, Gwen Stefani and renowned thesps Dr. Phil.
• Forest Whitaker was awesome, but...
• Come on Peter, come on Peter, come on Peter...
• Doesn't Reese Witherspoon make you want to say "awwwww"?
• Ryan Gosling's reaction shot rivals Carell's.
• Ah well, how can you not love Forest when he's all choked up?
• Even James MacAvoy seems near tears.
• And it's Marty time.
• He may be a reactionary hack, but Clint did the best work this year.
• Marty's old mate Spielberg reads the name.
• And there is much rejoicing.
• Even the other nominees seem genuinely happy.
• Here come Jack and Diane for the big one. Happily they get on with it.
• I'd say the odds are 60% The Departed, 20% Little Miss Sunshine.
• Yep, it's The Departed.
• Spielberg has to tell Marty to get excited again.
• The Departed wasn't a worthy critics poll winner, but it's fine as an Oscar winner.
• Marty just hangs back in the wings.
• And we end with environmentally unfriendly confetti raining down.
• Time: 3:51.
  
• Summary: lots of people who were overdue got theirs, but not Peter O'Toole.
  
• I need a new TV. I've got half a year before football season starts.